Monday, September 6, 2010

Movie Review: Machete

You gotta love Robert Rodriguez! He makes such over-the-top action gore fests (as does Quentin Tarantino).

Machete is another fine example of his craft. Hands and heads lopped off. Bullets in the face. Blood spatter everywhere. And Rodriguez does it with a certain tongue-in-cheek bravado and campy humour. For example, in one scene, Machete uses a hospital surgical tool (used for stripping flesh off bone) to gut a man and stretch his intestines out the full length to be used as a rope as Machete jumps out a window. Everybody in the audience laughed, including myself.

In another scene, a house is blown up and a man falls down on top of Jessica Alba's car hood, charred and smoking with a meat thermometer stuck in him. The mercury in the thermometer instantly rises to the top. Very amusing.

In fact, this is one of the funniest movies I've seen all year! Comic relief is necessary when you are immersed in so much blood and gore and violence. Speaking of which, one of the least funny scenes is when a priest (Cheech Marin) is literally crucified in a church. When those nails were driven into his wrists, I felt rather squeamish (quite unusual for me).

In the final action sequence, Machete brings with him the mother of all machetes -- it is HUGE. Really quite funny.

Machete is made as an homage to the "B-movies" of yesteryear. There is no pretense at a good story; indeed, the story is ludicrous. Acting is laughable -- Robert de Niro is a campy caricature of a corrupt Texas senator, Don Johnson is silly as the commander of a vigilante army, Steven Seagal is less than convincing as a Mexican drug kingpin.

Rodriguez includes some of his favourite actors in the cast: Danny Trejo in the lead role of Machete, and Cheech Marin as a priest and Machete's brother.

One of the unexpected side benefits of watching this movie is seeing Lindsay Lohan's tits. Hey, how often do you get the opportunity to gawk at a PR disaster's hooters?

I also like Michelle Rodriguez (no relation to the director). In the final action sequence, she is extremely sexy dressed up in leather and wearing an eye patch (earlier, Don Johnson had shot her in the eye).

This Labour Day Weekend, I really wanted to catch The American and Machete. I was simply in the mood for blood -- call it blood lust. And I was suitably sated. Thumbs Up.

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